1. THOU SHALT KEEP FACTION BALANCING ON - There is nothing more irritating than being in a game where it ends up 18 players against 6 (who then get spawn camped) all because some people want to act like five-year-olds. Wake up, Little Timmy - it doesn’t bl** dy matter whether you play on your friend’s faction or not. No need to throw the toys out fo the pram because your clan mate isn’t on the same side as you - just enjoy the game.
2. THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW ASSAULT CLASS - The frankly silly ability to speed around and/or have double the health of everyone else reminds me of cheat modes on games of consoles past. And no, your god doesn’t care how useful it may be to you on certain missions - ’normal’ players shouldn’t have to deal with a bunch of poor players who need to be Usain Bolt in an extra-thick flak jacket just to score some kills.
3. THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW SCOUT CLASS - Yeah, you read correctly! Ban those snipers! These cheap, self-serving p* ssies spend the whole game hiding from all the action with invisibility, waiting for a ’real’ player to pop up in their sights. Then it’s just a simple tap of the button and they have a kill. Very skilled. Not only does this seem painfully boring to your god; it also robs your faction of a ’real’ player when on Search & Destroy and other missions. These selfish guys are only in it for themselves and therefore have no place in a good warzone game. They should play bodycount-only games and cease hindering more team-minded players.
4. THOU SHALT NOT BUILD TURRETS DIRECTLY ON SPAWN POINTS - That’s right, find a place for your turrets that won’t damage your teammates. See, there’s nothing more irritating than spawning, only to find yourself killed because some over-anxious kiddie built a turret right on the spawn point and someone else blew it up, thereby killing you. Since I only ever play as a tactician, people who have played with your god may know that I will blow up my own team’s turrets if they irritate me. Don’t just place turrets anywhere - THINK about where they’ll be best placed.
5. THOU SHALT NOT USE SPAWN GRENADES! - Don’t be surprised - the reason your god says this is because hardly any of you know how to use them properly! Your god has played with a variety of people from standard soldiers to Generals, through to full on Commanders-in-Chief. However I have yet to play with anyone who does what I do - TURN AROUND BEFORE YOU THROW THEM SO THAT PEOPLE SPAWN FACING THE RIGHT WAY! And that’s before we even start talking about the ridiculous places people are putting them. My advice: if you see Socratic listed on your faction, just leave the spawn grenades to him.
6. THOU SHALT NOT WALK PAST AN ENEMY’S REPAIRED OBJECT WITHOUT BLOWING IT UP - Your god often holds his head in his hands when he sees players happily skipping happily past an enemy ammo dump or emplaced weapon without a care in the world. Well, Einstein - NEWSFLASH: that emplaced weapon can/will be used to kill you or your teammates at some point so eliminate that possibility by destroying it!
7. THOU SHALT NOT RUN PAST AN ENEMY TURRET WITHOUT BLOWING IT UP - No, I don’t care if it hurts you in the process. So long as you have sufficient cover to pop out from and you won’t be killed, thou shalt at least damage the turret by popping in and out from cover and shooting it. This is a TEAM game so do your duty for the team by preventing it from causing any future damage.
8. THOU SHALT NOT SPAWN CAMP - Your god is as guilty as the next person in having done it before but, be honest, it’s kind of lame to just sit in/outside the enemy’s spawn point and just blow the poo out of them as they appear/emerge. I remember the first time I took part in a spawn camping - there I was, a grown man giggling like infant as we all preventing the Helghast from getting out of the room on Radec Academy. Afterwards I felt so dirty, so ashamed that I went and had a shower. lol Spawn camping is like taking part in a mass school playground bullying and is against the spirit of fair play.
9. THOU SHALT NOT SPEND YOUR LIFE WORRYING ABOUT K/D RATIOS - Too often your god has noticed players not actively engaging in Search & Destroy or other missions because they care about getting killed. Well surprise, motherfunners - your K/D ratio means nothing in the real world. Online ’respect’ is meaningless and shows that you are not playing the game for yourself; you’re effectively playing for others. It’s often why people choose sniper class, just so that some random johnny on the other side of the world can see that they’ve died a few less times than they’ve killed. Correct your god if he’s wrong but I don’t see anyone getting any money for it. I have played this game from day one as a team game and think nothing of taking hits for my team (I’m always ready to take a death trying to put a good spawn point down or to win the mission). As I’ve got better I’ve found my ratio improve naturally but I honestly couldn’t care less since I play for my own enjoyment only.
10. And finally.. THOU SHALT TURN ROCKETS OFF! - ’Nuff said.
